Because of You
by Willow Jade Flower
Summary: Severus Snape has died and moved on, but in order to do so he must forgive those who made him what he is. Led by a nameless soul, he goes back to his worst memories and learns to let go. Songfic. More interesting than the summary itself, I assure you. Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: It should be pretty obvious what is from the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling and what is from my imagination, if you've read the books. I am a mere fan with a wild imagination and a love for song.  
**

* * *

_ "Look ... at ... me..." he whispered.  
The green eyes found the black, but after a second, something in the depths of the dark pair seemed to vanish, leaving them fixed, blank, and empty. The hand holding Harry thudded to the floor, and Snape moved no more._

- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows by J. K. Rowling, page 658

He wanted to see her eyes. Those almond-shaped, emerald green eyes that haunted him from the face of an old school enemy for seven years, and amongst the midst of his most darkest memories for seventeen. But now those memories resurface in a whirlwind of her voice echoing in the emptiness filled only by her eyes. Her eyes, filled with joy, hope, confusion, pain, anger, and coldness as each memory flashed by.  
_"That's not a very nice thing to say to somebody!"  
"Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?"  
"You did! You did! You hurt her!"  
"I don't want to talk to you."  
"They don't use Dark Magic, though."  
"Fine, I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."  
"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."  
"But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"  
"...any different? ... any different?"  
_

His heart twisted as he struggled to talk, to apologize, to ease this crushing guilt...  
_"Sev... Sev..._ Severus? Severus Snape?"  
A voice rang through his flashbacks and he tried to blink, only to not experience the brief darkness nor feeling of his eyelids coming down. It was odd, after years of blinking, that he immediently noticed it. The eyes were gleaming, and as they drew back, they revealed a pale face of a girl.  
"Lily?" Severus croaked, but his heart sank as he saw the unfamiliar features and black, lank hair. The girl in front of him giggled like a child - she _was_ a child, perhaps around nine or ten years old. She perched on a wooden box in front of him, petite, and wearing snow-white robes. At first the color and shapes were fuzzy, then they grew sharper and crystal clear. The girl's hair had an odd shine to it, as if oily, as well as her skin. Her nose was slighty large for her small, oval face. With her eyebrows thicker than the typical girl's and full lips but wide mouth, she would be more handsome than beautiful when grown up. But her eyes... she had Lily's eyes.  
Severus frowned in confusion. He sat up, saying, "How? What?" His voice sounded odd to him. "I thought I was dead?"

"Oh, yes," the girl said matter-of-factly. "But for you to get used to... you know, your soul's form and part from your mind - er, let me start again," she said sheepishly as if she could hear the questions banging through his baffled mind. She spoke quickly and in a choppy way, as if she wasn't too sure of her words. "You see, your mind is well connected with your brain, and back on Earth your brain is used to seeing through your eyes and receiving and sending messages. Your mind is struggling with the loss of the brain. Therefore, you will be thinking and acting and seeing and stuff as if you still have a body, for the time being."

"...Huh?"  
"Your astral body, or your soul, has been detatched from your physical body. In this form you should be able to see 360 degrees around, hear everything clearer, and have everything more vibrant and sharper than in your physical body, because you aren't looking through your aura and through physical lenses anymore."  
"Er... who are you? Are you even real?"  
"Me? Oh, I'm another soul."  
Severus stared at her. "And your name is...?"  
"To your mind, I'm nameless," she said. "But enough of that. You've chosen to move on, a good choice I would think. You've tomented Harry James Potter enough when you were alive, haunting him as a ghost for his father would be a nightmare for the both of you..."

"Yes, yes, but what am I doing here?" Severus demanded. He looked around, feeling as if his mouth went dry. "Why am I at my... my parent's house? At Spinner's End?" He felt an ill, foreboding wave fall over him.  
"In order to move on, you must move on from your past on Earth," the girl said calmly. Severus saw a dark shadow - _two_ dark shadows appearing in the dusty window.  
"No, I can't -"  
"You must learn to forgive and forget now, since you haven't then. In order to, you must come back to the past."  
"And relive it?" Severus turned towards the girl with subtle disgust and loathing. "Why must I do what you suggest?"  
She shrugged. "I think - I guess - I mean, you know... it's sort of a, like, you need to."  
Severus disliked her inability to put things clearly. "Why?"  
"Oh, if anyone can answer that!" She slipped off the box and walked up to him, holding his hand. "Come on, I'm here to guide you."  
She then began to lead him towards the little house, and Severus shivered as they passed through the wall.

* * *

**A/N: Eh, this first chapter's like an introduction. By the way, that is sort of my thoughts on what happens after one dies and moves on, based on theories through books and personal experience. Please, no flames nor bashing. I believe there is no such thing as "constructive criticism", so if you see something I could improve on, state it as advice or a suggestion, not merely stating flatly, "Eh, I didn't find it interesting, you could do better, the plot sucks." I mean, how am I supposed to improve through that? Any way, stay tuned because the actual songfic's the next chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yes, I love this song and Severus Snape a lot. This fanfic is also loosely based on ****Five People You Meet In Heaven****. Definitely read the lyrics as well as the story, because they are a big part of the story that is pretty obvious in meaning so that if I have to explain it, it will sound like an obvious essay. The "you" in the song can mean different people at the same time, so keep an open mind.  
Disclaimer: I do not own any aspects of J.K Rowling's Harry Potter nor Kelly Clarkson's song Because of You.**

* * *

_I will not make  
The same mistakes that you did  
I will not let_ _myself  
Cause my heart so much misery._

* * *

The sound of his parent's loud, harsh voices surrounded him once more, more sharper than ever as each word cleaved through the other and returned to smack him in the face. Turning, Severus caught sight of his eight-year-old self. As much as it startled him to see himself again, it didn't strike him as much as the fact that he was back, hearing his parents' arguments again, and watching as each pained expression lance across his younger form's face.  
He turned to see his mother's face. Eileen's pale face was partly streaked with tears and partly red from a mark left by Tobias's hand. Severus slowly shook his head towards his mother.

* * *

_ I will not break  
The way you did, you fell so hard_

* * *

Startled as the scene shifted, Severus looked down at the little girl still yet holding his hand. She looked back up with those cursed green eyes and only grinned. When Severus looked back up, he saw himself hiding, watching Lily gaze down at the flower in her hand, Petunia shrilly nagging her over her shoulder. The scene continued to shift from that to Lucius as a Death Eater, stammering and looking down with the disappointed Dark Lord staring darkly down upon him.

* * *

_I learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far_

* * *

Severus was brought back to his parent's fight. The man slowly walked up towards his parents, silently pleading for them to stop, to spare the boy in the corner, to for once think of something other than their petty argument day after day.  
"Please, stop," cried a meek voice from the corner. Startled once more as his thoughts are spoken out loud by himself, Severus stared helplessly as his father shoved Eileen away and marched up towards the trembling, black-haired boy, and stared down upon him menacingly.  
Severus flinched.

* * *

_Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side  
So I don't get hurt_

Because of you  
I find it hard to trust

_Not only me, but everyone around me_  
_Because of you, I am afraid_

* * *

Hogwarts.  
Severus attempted to swallow a lump in his nonexistant throat as he gazed up at the enchanted ceiling. He drifted along with the other first-years, the girl beside him, as each girl or boy headed up towards the Sorting Hat. All Severus saw was Lily's small, sad smile directed towards a miserably disappointed boy still in the crowd of first-years.  
The boys from the train, from then to forever, would taunt him, tease him, force him into the position of a fool. The Lupin student would just sit there, watch, and let it happen in front of him. Never had Severus loathed him so much for it, nor had he hated Potter and Black for their twisted faces and mocking voices.  
Lily would reprimand him for loving the Dark Arts. The influential, the easy, the interesting Dark Arts. Lucius, Avery, and Malciber were his friends back then, and they would help him, guide him. But for all it was worth, it was hardly worth the last word that sever his ties with Lily.  
He would return home for the summer, and return to the screaming.  
Voldemort, his Lord, his master, to which he served then lied to, gazed upon him with slitted red eyes.  
The little girl tightened her grip on his hand; in turn, Severus tightened his grip on hers.

* * *

_I lose my way_  
_And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry_  
_Because I know that's weakness in your eyes_  
_I'm forced to fake_  
_A smile, a laugh, every day of my life_  
_My heart can't possibly break_  
_When it wasn't even whole to start with_

* * *

Whom he called foes, the Marauders, played such a deadly game, each word and laugh landing heavily on such a debt, with eyes that stared with such loathing.

Whom he called friends, the Death Eaters, guided him down a bloody path, each dark prank and death weighing heavily on his conscious, with braver eyes that still stared with fear.

They didn't know... how could they know...

* * *

_Because of you_  
_I never stray too far from the sidewalk_  
_Because of you_  
_I learned to play on the safe side_  
_So I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_  
_I find it hard to trust_  
_Not only me, but everyone around me_  
_Because of you,_  
_I am afraid_

* * *

The flash of green light brought him to his knees, left him tearing his hands through his hair, threw his gaze over the lifeless body.

The wail of an orphaned infant drifted through the open, unblemished window.

* * *

_I watched you die, I heard you cry_  
_Every night in your sleep_

* * *

His mother was never there.  
His father was never there.  
Those he thought had been were never there.  
Lily used to be there.  
Those who were there were whispers and lies and tormenting thoughts he could never believe.

* * *

_I was so young, you should have known_  
_Better than to lean on me_  
_You never thought of anyone else_  
_You just saw your pain_

_And now I cry  
In the middle of the night  
For the same damn thing!_

* * *

Severus turned away from the memories, and found that he couldn't.  
They tumbled and whirled like some mad dance, a song he couldn't fight away.

* * *

_Because of you_  
_I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the same side  
So I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_  
_I tried my hardest just to forget everything_  
_Because of you_  
_I don't know how to let anyone else in_  
_Because of you_  
_I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty_  
_Because of you, I am afraid_

* * *

_"Coward!"_ Potter's accusation rang through his head. _"Fight back, you coward!"_

* * *

_Because of you_

* * *

_"Don't call me coward!"_

* * *

_Because of you_

* * *

Soon, the memories were merely faded wisps of ghosts.

Severus was back on Spinner's End, staring into the river. "Why?" he whispered. "Why have you brought me here? To that?"  
"So you can let it go," the girl said.  
Severus stared at her, unable to speak for a few moments. Finally he croaked, "Who are you?"  
The girl's smile widened, as if she had been waiting for him to ask. "A Possibility," she said.  
She reached down and offered her hand. "Come on," she said. "Come on. It's time for forgiveness."


End file.
